


Emma Swan vs. The Horrible Unholy Monstrosity

by Trinadecker



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:14:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24992911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trinadecker/pseuds/Trinadecker
Summary: In which Ruby has too much time on her hands, Emma doesn't know when to back down from a challenge, and Regina can't resist picking up the pieces.Also Known As: Emma eats a giant burger and regrets everything, and Regina can't help herself from taking care of her.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 5
Kudos: 145





	Emma Swan vs. The Horrible Unholy Monstrosity

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of a companion piece to my other story, Family Photos. That monstrosity of Ruby's that Emma half-remembers in chapter two? This is it.

“What. The hell. Is that?” Emma asked, eyeing the plate that Ruby had just slid in front of her. Or rather, eyeing the contents of said plate, which were threatening to topple at any moment.

When she’d received a text stating “urgent situation at the diner, come quick”, she’d been expecting something a little more dire. 

“It’s my newest creation, and I need you to try it!” Ruby flashed her a winning smile, clasping her hands together as she bounced on her heels. “I call it the wolf burger!” 

Emma raised a brow, studying the offending burger -- if it could even be called that -- with suspicion. The thing was _massive_ . The patties, _three of them_ , Emma noted, barely fit under the buns. One of them was wrapped in bacon, and the other two were smothered in an assortment of cheeses. The whole thing was topped off with lettuce, tomato, onion, and at least five distinct sauces. As if that wasn’t enough, Ruby had shoved a handful of fries between two of the patties. 

“Jesus, Rubes. This thing could kill a man.” 

She puffed up her chest a little at that, seeming to take it as a compliment. “I know, right? That’s why I called you. You’re Storybrooke’s resident burger-eating champion,” She explained when Emma only stared. “And you have to defend your title!” 

“Come on, there’s no way I can finish that.” 

“If you eat it I’ll finally let you have your picture up on the wall.” Granny called from behind the line. 

Okay, now _that_ was tempting. 

Emma glanced over at the wall in question: covered in photos of Storybrooke’s residents, taken when they’d accomplished something of note at the diner. Most had been taken during the curse, but a few more recent ones had made their way up as well. 

There was a curse-era one of the nuns, crowded around several tables that had been pushed together, a massive six-tiered birthday cake at the center. One of a young, gap-toothed Henry with three empty milkshake glasses in front of him. Graham — that one was bittersweet — posing with two thumbs up in front of the dart boards where he’d somehow managed to land four in the center of the bullseye. There was even a snapshot of Regina, looking entirely displeased at having her photo taken. She had a forkful of lettuce halfway to her mouth, and the caption scrawled beneath it read “Most Salad Eaten”. Hell, even Gold was on the wall, though why wasn’t clear -- his photo was just of him in a booth, that same smug, aloof air about him. 

It was silly, really, but to Emma being on that wall felt like a final piece to being a part of Storybrooke. A final step towards really calling this place home. Having a picture on that wall would mean she’d left some sort of mark here, besides being the visitor-turned-sheriff-turned-savior (or whatever.) 

“Well, in that case,” She sighed, turning back towards the plate in front of her, “I never have been one to turn down a challenge.” She picked up the burger, which, holy shit, she could barely fit in her hands. 

“Wait!” Granny called, and Emma paused. The older woman skirted around the line and pulled an old polaroid camera from below the counter and snapped a picture. “Before,” She said by way of explanation. The camera spat out a picture and Granny snagged it before nodding. “Carry on.” 

Emma shared a quick smile with Ruby before bringing the burger back up to her mouth. “Here goes nothing,” She said, and took a bite. She tried to ignore the squeal of delight that Ruby let out when she did. 

And, okay, it was actually good. Really good. 

She really didn’t struggle to finish the burger, and really, she should probably have been concerned about that. 

What she did struggle with, though, was the aftermath. 

Her entire midsection felt like a rock. 

True to her word, Granny snapped an after picture. She gave Emma a nod with an expression that was something between respect and utter shock. 

“Oh, god. I regret doing that. Ugh. Why did you even make that thing in the first place?” Emma groaned, resting her head on the counter. 

Infuriatingly, Ruby only shrugged. “I was bored.” 

Emma let out another groan and tucked her arm over her face. “I need to sleep for three years. I’m going to pass out. Right here.” 

“You’re not sleeping in the diner, Miss Swan.” 

Any other time and the stern tone would have had her hopping out of her seat. 

Not now, though.

She hadn't heard the other woman enter, but she wasn't about to let her presence ruin her current moping. Instead she waved a hand in the general direction of the voice without lifting her head. She let her arm fall back onto the bar with a heavy thud. “Leave me alone to die, Regina.” 

She could practically hear the eye roll. 

“Stop being so dramatic and get up. Did you drive here?” 

Emma lifted her head to see an impatient Regina standing beside her, brows raised and hands shoved in the pockets of her peacoat. She shook her head, even that tiny motion making her dizzy. “No, I poofed.”

Regina scowled at the term. “Well, you’re not teleporting like this. The last thing we need is you transporting yourself into a brick wall because you couldn’t concentrate properly. Come on, I’ll give you a ride.” Before Emma had a chance to protest, she pulled a bill from her wallet, tossing it on the counter. She heard Ruby say something -- probably that she wasn’t even planning on charging Emma for her monstrosity of a sandwich -- but Regina cut her off. “Keep the change. Let’s go, Swan.” With that she tucked her arm beneath Emma’s and hauled her off the bar stool, dragging her out the door and depositing her neatly in her benz. 

It wasn’t long before they were stopped -- and thank god, because the motion was making her feel worse and Emma really didn’t want to find out what Regina would do to her if she got sick in her car. She peered out the window to see that they had reached the apartment that she still shared with Mary Margaret. 

“Thank you, Regina.” She began to clamber out of the car, surprised when Regina shot around to help her out. 

“I’m going with you. I can’t have Henry’s other mother injuring herself on a flight of stairs because she made a poor judgement call.” 

Emma snorted. “I’m not drunk, I just ate too much.” She took a deep breath, trying to ease the pressure in her abdomen. “ _Way_ too much.” Nonetheless, she let Regina walk her up to the apartment, and she didn’t protest when the brunette followed her inside and demanded she get into bed. 

“You know, if you wanted to get me into bed, you could have just asked.” Emma joked, chuckling at the daggers Regina sent her way. Without another word she shucked her jeans and bra and slid under the covers. Regina disappeared from her view, and she assumed the other woman had left. She closed her eyes, hoping to take a quick power nap and sleep off the worst of the discomfort. She had just started to drift off when a thud at her side jerked her out of it. 

“Sorry.” Regina breathed. She had set a glass down on the nightstand. Emma shifted so that her weight was on her elbow and took it -- ginger ale. 

“Thank you,” Emma murmured, pulling another sip of the cold liquid. 

Regina offered her a soft smile, taking a seat at the edge of her bed. “You’re an idiot sometimes, you know that?” 

Emma couldn’t help it, she grinned at the words. “But I’m your idiot.” 

This earned her a laugh. “I suppose.” 

She nudged the other woman with her toe from beneath the covers. “Admit it.” 

Regina swatted her foot. “Admit what? That you ate a burger that was the size of your head and now you feel like shit?” 

“No, that I’m _your_ idiot. You love me.” Regina didn’t reply right away, back going stiff, and Emma barreled on, trying to cover the heat rising in her cheeks. “Wait, hey, how do you know how big it was? You didn’t get there until after I finished it!”

The tension left Regina’s body at the safer topic. “Ruby showed me a picture as soon as I arrived at the diner. She was quite proud of her unholy creation.” 

“Mm. Well, it was good.” 

Regina only rolled her eyes at that. But her hand fell over Emma’s ankle, and she rubbed a thumb over it subconsciously. “You should get some rest, Emma. You’ll feel better if you get some sleep.”

The brave part of Emma wanted to ask for a cuddle buddy, but the reasonable part of her knew that wouldn’t go over so well. Instead she let out a soft hum. “Yeah. Thank you, Regina. Really.” 

The brunette nodded, giving the other woman’s ankle a tight squeeze before she rose, turning out the light and disappearing in a haze of purple smoke.

Emma drifted off, savoring the memory of the weight of Regina’s hand on her leg.


End file.
